Dateable: Are You? Are They? Download Free (EPUB, PDF)
Passion. It's the fuel for success, for dreams, for life. But too many teens focus their energy and passion on the wrong thing-the wrong person. Dateable pulls no punches in telling teens the truth about dating while also directing their passion toward a greater purpose in life. Teen relationships seldom last, the authors point out, so why should teens invest so much of themselves emotionally, physically, and spiritually? The answer? They shouldn't. Instead, they can protect their hearts, live with excitement, and enjoy relationships in a way that enhances rather than detracts from those they'll have in the future. With Justin and Hayley "telling it like it is," teens will learn how to be dateable and how to evaluate the dateability of their latest crush. And they'll get some much-needed perspective on sex, his/her communication, clothes, God-even "chick flicks." Dateable also includes sidebars, quizzes, callouts, and more.
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Revell; Reprinted edition (August 1, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0800759117
ISBN-13: 978-0800759117
Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.9 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 3.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (135 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #108,991 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #26 in Books > Teens > Social Issues > Dating & Intimacy #110 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Children's & Teens > Teens #130 in Books > Teens > Religion & Spirituality
I am not a Christian, but I read this book with an open mind, hoping for tips on how to make a relationship healthy and long-lasting and all that good stuff. I won't describe how disappointed I was in most of the writings, since the topics of sexism (girls need to be won and bought) and exaggeration (if you have sex you WILL get pregnant) have been covered by other reviews.The reason I decided to spend my time writing this review myself is the metaphor of the dinged-up car at the end of the book. Page 214 tells us this: "Every new sexual experience when you are not married puts another ding, another scratch, another scar on who you are. You keep running your car into other people, and then you wonder why no one treats you special."My problem with this - what about victims of sexual abuse? Are we not worth as much, then? Do we not deserve commitment?There's just an awful lot of demeaning and objectifying done in this book, and I would be offended if I believed that I was viewed the way this book says that I should be. I find it ironic that this work tries to convince girls that they are worth more than their body ("be modest"), but then concludes with a "just kidding, you're worth exactly the condition your body is in."
Terrifying.Horrible and untrue, manipulative, sexphobic, and shaming to both genders. Wish there were a zero-stars rating. This book will not teach your teen anything healthy about relationships in any way at all. It's a manual of false social and sexual education, the opposite of which teenagers need desperately. This is why there is a teen pregnancy problem among more religious communities; lack of any sort of honesty in the subject of healthy relationships and safekeeping of the body. Abstinence-only education is pure indoctrination.As a teacher, and ***especially*** as a teacher of girls, I find this kind of book shameful and deplorable. It's a disgrace to educators and parents everywhere that this book and others like it exist. There is literally zero reason to teach your child to be ashamed of their sexual urges, their bodies, or their thoughts. Furthermore, there is apparently a STAR RATING AS TO HOW "DATEABLE" SOMEONE IS. So teach your teen they're measurable on a scale, go ahead and shame them if they feel differently, because that's what it's all about: conforming. They teach girls that all men are out for is sex and that they should just say no to the "bait" that gets tossed to them, meaning now they'll assume any kind of nice gesture towards them is a play for sex and never learn the very important skill of differentiating between the two. Tells boys to "be powerful," whatever that means.The word "dateable" is fake, fake, fake jargon. It is false; this book's standards are complete nonsense (because it really means "how Christian are you?") and furthermore they ABSOLUTELY promote a patriarchal, male-dominated ideal of relationships, which is also utterly utterly false. This Lookadoo guy is a mess of contradictions, stereotypes, embarrassingly misogynistic sentiments, and generally should not be allowed to brainwash teenagers or kids anywhere, ever. Pied piper of kids my middle-school teacher behind: this man has nothing valuable to teach my girls or my boys and I find it disgraceful that anyone would put this brainwashing piece of propaganda in their child's hands.
If I could give this book 0 stars, I would.Please understand. I am not the sort of person to hate on things. If this book had any worth whatsoever I would not have bothered giving a review. But everything about this was so wrong I had to write something to prevent some poor soul from reading this and taking it seriously. Please, DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. I'll tell you why:1) SEXISM. And I don't just mean traditional sexism towards girls. In fact, the majority of the sexism here is directed towards men! This is surprising because it's written by a man. According to this book, men do not have feelings. Men do not care for you at all. All men are out for one thing and one thing only: SEX. That's all they want. That's all they will ever want. Girls, protect your poor, fragile little souls, because these men are eager to eat you up and dump you on the side of the road. He'll get bored of you, especially if you give him sex, because that's all he wants from you to begin with. (That's why you save that for the wedding night!) Okay, let me just ask, if all a man wants from a woman is sex, why on EARTH would she ever want to date him? Are men just mindless sex machines without personalities, dreams, desires? Do they not also have interests and hobbies? Are they not also insecure, lonely, wanting someone to be with and hold? This book perpetuates the stupid idea that men only want one thing and do not have genuine deep feelings. It also likes to pretend that men and women are so different mentally that they cannot possibly understand each other. This is absurd. If two people do not understand each other then they will never generate emotional depth and caring that is essential in any relationship. If you don't understand each other it is not because you are different genders. It is because you are not right for each other. This book puts people into stark categories, and there is no differentiating from either. Suddenly the person you are wanting to date is no longer a person. Suddenly he is a "guy" Or she is a "girl." Since he is a guy, he will do XYZ. Since she is a girl, she will do ZYX. There is no room for differences. According to the book, this is because we are "wired" to be this way. How is this good advice? We should observe people as people, not as members of seamless, undynamic groups. The person you are dating should be analyzed only as who they are. To judge yourself and your significant other by the standards expressed in this book would be demeaning and extremely damaging to your happiness in your relationship with each other and towards yourselves.2) ATTITUDE. There seems to be a trend among young adult authors to try and make their writing style "hip" and "relevant" so that teenagers will understand the lingo. This always ends up sounding condescending and stupid and no young person likes it. Don't you remember when you were young? Didn't you hate it when adults talked down to you and treated you like you were too naive to understand things? Of course you did. Yet this is exactly what this book does. Not only does the author use simple and degrading language in a failed attempt to look "cool," but the attitude the author takes toward young people is so demeaning it makes you feel stupid just reading it. Even though I am older than the target audience of this book, I still felt torn down and literally laughed at by the author while reading. I can say it honestly made me feel terrible about myself. As an example of his attitude, at one point the author recounts a story in which a young man approached him challenging his views and said things were different with him and his girlfriend. The author reportedly responded by literally laughing at this young man and telling him to email him when he broke up with his girlfriend! Am I taking advice from someone this conceited and critical? The author of "Datable" is rude, even when he thinks he's being understanding. He acts like he knows the ins and outs of all teenagers thoughts, as if their feelings and dreams and aspirations are all dull and childlike compared to REAL adults. He does not say this outright, of course, but you can sense that he thinks this when he informs every person reading this book that all their relationships will fail and all the feelings they've had are fraud, false, fleeting feelings based solely on the fact that they are young. If a person takes this advice seriously, they may ruin their chances at a good, loving, lasting relationship because they believed the lie that their feelings are false and illegitimate. Many young people meet and carry out lasting, healthy relationships. My sister met her husband when she was 16. They dated for six years years and are now very happily married. While it's true that early relationships don't always last, it is just plain wrong to make that an ultimatum for all relationships.3) PESSIMISM. This is exemplified perfectly by the title of the first chapter, "It Will Not Last." What an awful way to start a book. The author instructs teenagers to go into every relationships "knowing" it is going to fail. Words cannot express how terrible this advice is! If you go into something expecting it to fail, of course it will fail! This is basic psychology. People tend to live up to what they expect. If a person believes there is no doubt their relationship will fail, then why would they put any effort into it? Why would they take time to care and invest in their significant other? Or take the time to do anything that would contribute to a lasting, healthy relationship? The premise itself sets you up for failure. You cannot get into a relationship thinking it will end. Otherwise, why date? If your goal is a healthy, lasting relationship, then you should enter each relationship with that goal in mind. Otherwise, dating becomes a game to get what you want and nothing more, which is exactly the kind of behavior the book warns about.These are three of just SOME of the things that are wrong with this book, but I will retrain from naming all of them because it would take all night to write. I do want to say though that this book DOES bring up some good points, or that it tries to. I could tell that it was trying to warn teenagers of the young adult dating scene and that giving everything away so early will only be hurtful and damaging to you. This I certainly agree with. But there are infinitely better and more efficient ways of making this point. In short, I simply cannot recommend this book to anyone. I don't care who you are. Don't read this. Don't take this seriously. It will not help you. And please, don't buy into the guise of its "Christian" roots. The Christian advice in here is not Christian. It is a poor branch of pseudo-Christian advice that mixes urban legends and personal opinions with scripture to make it seem more viable. If you want good Christian advice, go read your Bible and pray. Don't read this crap.
Unless you want your children to inadvertently learn misogynistic principles and promote rape culture do not buy this book or even look at it! It uses fear tactics and gross generalizations to give kids an inaccurate view of dating. Instead of empowering them to make smart decisions this book belittles all teens by saying that all boys are heartless sex driven monsters and all girls are fragile over-emotional princesses. Terrible, terrible,terrible book! If I believed in banning books this would be at the top of my list.
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